Warning: This is a vent!!!

OK so I've broken down and decided to try this thing my friends are all raving about and figured I might as well use it to vent and clear out my system!!
I've been struggling with something since November (Amy & I had a semi-deep discussion regarding this in the GSPS alley back then) and I think my body finally made it clear to me yesterday that I need to stop being so darn stubborn and get some help with it. Back in college I was diagnosed with mild stress-related depression mixed in with seasonal affective disorder (i.e. winter blues). I think it's been something I'd dealt with for years but never sought out help or treatment for it. I was on Prozac for a year and it made a huge difference. I thought I'd learned how to deal with life on my own during that time, and for about 10 years I've done that, but last November things started changing. I recognized some of the signs & symptoms but kept telling myself that it was just that time of year and were I to get on a prescription the stress-causer would be over by the time the meds really kicked in. That was 3 months ago, and I'm still irritable, fatigued and restless. Yesterday I broke down in my church, and you have to understand that I absolutely hate crying in front of other people. I don't care if others cry in front of me, but I guess I tend to not apply those rules to me. Mandy (bless this woman!!) gave me a hug and got me calmed down, but I couldn't go to the service because I knew I wouldn't make it. So instead I ran a few errands and then talked with Donna until the kids were done with Children's church. Donna was a godsend, too, and basically reaffirmed that no, I'm not crazy, and it's OK to get help. All of these things I already know, but again, I'm stubborn. I think I've managed to put it off for so long because it's not like I haven't been happy for 3 months because I have (my birthday party was a great example) but there have been times I feel like I'm putting on a happy front or that it seems like I'm really having to work hard to have a good day. I think I could have gone on like this for longer except I think my body told me yesterday in a way I'd be forced to listen that enough is enough, I need help with this. Looking at myself, I don't know what the problem is; I don't have a stigma about going on meds as I've done it before and they helped me until I could deal with things myself. I have a wonderful group of friends here that I know would let me cry on their shoulder any time I needed to, but I tend to think "They don't need to be worring about me; they have their own lives & families to deal with without my pity party dropping in on them". Again, this is a rule I apply only to me; if a friend was having a hard day I'd love to be her shoulder to cry on or her sounding board to vent at. Actually, I'd expect it. But for some reason I have a hard time accepting the help that would be there for me. Goes back to that stubborness thing again. Jeri- I know you were trying to help me yesterday and get me to talk, and had we been anywhere else I probably would have. I just kept pushing it off because I knew I'd start crying and didn't want to take anything away from Randi's happiness at her shower; it was her time and I wanted all the attention on her, not me. So if I seemed short with you I am very sorry; it's kind of a coping mechanism to talk as little as possible when I'm on the verge of tears. I know you'd have let me sob my heart out to you, but I wouldn't forgive myself for ruining her shower. I'll talk; I promise!!
Anyway, I finally talked to the hubby and told him I'd decided it was time to get some help and he was supportive. I have a call in to my doctor and am waiting for a call back so I can talk to her and decide where to go from here. I already feel better just having finally admitted out loud to needing help and taking the first step towards getting some. In my heart I know it's a temporary thing but it's already taken over a larger period of my life than I think is normal. The on-line test I took yesterday gave me a score that was smack in the middle of the mild range and I showed some of the signs of the anxiety disorder, even though 'anxoius' isn't one of the words I'd use to describe myself. It'll get better, at least I know that.
So thanks, guys, for letting me vent. I know that for me it's a form of therapy and I'm ready to move on!!!
To my buddies: You guys rock my world and have helped just by being you, so thanks.